ANOTHER CORONA FOR THE ROAD, PERHAPS? JUST GIVE ME THAT OLD TIME RELIGION

In the beginning there was darkness … and the Word. And the Word was pure, heavenly nonsense, though the sheep proclaimed it to be real. Prophets and preachers brayed their solemn warnings into the firmament and lo and behold there came a blinding light. So sayeth the Holy Toad.

At first the crazy Christian creeds seemed harmless or simply outdated, but worth taking note of because their underlying judgments were sinister and just plain wrong. As a general rule, they tended to fall into various categories of subjugation or prejudice.

There were the anti-women warnings.

• Women Found Not To Be Virgins On Their Wedding Day Should Be Stoned (Deuteronomy 22:20–21)
• If A Woman Is Raped And Does Not Cry Out, She Shall Be Stoned (Deuteronomy 22:23–24)
• If You Force An Unmarried Virgin To Have Sex, You Can Purchase Her (Deuteronomy 22:28–29)
• If You Commit Adultery, You Shall Be Put To Death (Leviticus 20:10)

Then came the human bondage scriptures.

• Slaves Should Be Good Subjects To Their Masters, Both The Gentle And The Harsh (1 Peter 2:18)
• You May Beat Your Slaves (Exodus 21:20–21)

And finally, there were the calls to kill the unbelievers.

• If Someone You Love Tries To Tempt You Away From God, They Should Be Put To Death (Deuteronomy 13:6–10)
• God Commanded His People To Commit Genocide (1 Samuel 15:2–3)

These Old Testament fire and brimstone divine pronouncements, while still a standard part of the modern Christian arsenal, are not generally paraded forth except on special occasions, like year-end fundraisers and Sunday School. But some of the old teachings still thrive in all their glory all the days of our lives, like Homosexuals Shall Be Put To Death (Leviticus 20:13).

And with the rise over the course of the last quarter century of the Evangelical Movement and their ever-increasing political power, these ungodly creeds have turned downright evil and dangerous to the greater population who are not a part of their unholy covenant. Their faith now threatens our daily existence. And the COVID-19 pandemic has brought this fact into terrible focus. Just look at the evil convictions of the chosen ones.

• Science is a matter of opinion.
• Vaccines are a conspiracy.
• Climate change is not real.
• Caging immigrant children is okay.
• Sex education is the work of the devil.
• Subjugating women is god’s will.
• Holy wars against non-believers, like Muslims, is our solemn duty.

Christianity is always admonishing it’s true believers to bear witness. Well, friends and neighbors, we are witnessing the end of science and the dawning of a new day where the objective scientific method is merely just another opinion, and not proof of anything. And in its place we are left with the soothing promises of the 23rd Psalm to save us all from death and damnation.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

I got a real bad feeling about how all this will end. Maybe COVID-19 is just the warm-up act. But one day —  probably sooner than later — a real badass virus, like Ebola, with a mortality rate of fifty, sixty, or even ninety percent, is going to roll across the valley. And when that happens we will finally know the TRUTH.