GREETINGS FROM ASBURY PARK

Inna and I recently spent a whirlwind weekend exploring the north Jersey Shore. Our young friends John and Tara just moved from Annapolis to Asbury Park and they invited us up for a tour of their new digs. It was a perfect Fall weekend: sunny and warm with the smell of baked leaves and crispy forget-me-nots, drifting on the ocean air.

When I was a young lad, my parents would take me for a few weeks each summer to a ritzy golf resort called Seaview in Absecon, New Jersey. And during our stay we would occasionally venture out for lazy drives along the ocean, from Atlantic City to Asbury Park. The tiny towns all just seemed to blend together into a rundown mish-mash of seedy carnival attractions and motels interspersed with mini-golf and junk food dives. To my young eyes, it was both exciting and a bit scary. My how things have changed!

We figured the best way to see the sights was by bike and that was a good call. We all had an absolute ball riding our bikes along the mostly-empty boardwalks and seaside streets of some of the happy Halloween, Biden/Harris, north Jersey shore towns — Point Pleasant, Spring Lake, Belmar, Avon-By-The-Sea, Bradley Beach, Ocean Grove, Asbury Park, Loch Arbour, Deal, Long Branch Beach, Monmouth Beach, Sea Bright, and Sandy Hook. The whole ride was endlessly amusing.

The one thing that jumped out at me was that at least fifty percent of what used to line the beachfronts along Ocean Avenue has been replaced by mostly gingerbread Victorian-style houses, rentals, and condos. But it goes way beyond an attractive facelift.

We rode our bikes along the entire stretch between Pt. Pleasant and Sandy Hook, including little forays back into the sleepy shaded neighborhoods behind the beach and I can tell you that I have never seen such an expansive accumulation of wealth in the United States — not in La Jolla, Chevy Chase, or the Hamptons. Where can you say there are more than twenty-five miles of uninterrupted luxury housing? I’ve seen greater opulence, like in Newport, Rhode Island, but that’s nothing compared to the breadth and scope of the north Jersey Shore where the housing essentially falls into three categories: big, gargantuan, and Holy Shit!

Asbury Park was our hands down favorite.

Inna said, “It just feels like a happy place.”

It has so many things going for it — the wide white sand beach, historic buildings and a boardwalk from the turn of the last century, trippy art wherever you look, bike lanes so you can easily get around town, a hip restaurant district, music venues like the infamous Stone Pony where Brue Springsteen got his start, and a vibrant community of young and old who celebrate life every day. It would be a great town to call home.

Just across lovely Wesley Lake from Asbury Park sits the time capsule town of Ocean Grove, known as “God’s Square Mile”, looking pretty much as it did when it was home in 1878 to the largest Methodist Camp in America. The town’s architecture is a strange mix of styles from grand cottage to gingerbread Victorian, anchored by a Main Street straight out of Currier & Ives. And the 7,000-seat Great Auditorium on the Pilgrim Pathway is an ornate wooden structure as big as a football field, housing one of the largest pipe organs in the country. Surrounding the wooden concert hall/church sit over a hundred cute little wooden and canvas tents, each one complete with a kitchen, bath and dining area. The church rents them out each summer to Christian sun worshippers and there is a twenty year waiting list.

It’s easy to just say that all the towns along the north Jersey Shore look alike. And at a totally superficial level I guess that’s kind of true. But if you take the time to really look closely you will see that every town has its own identity. They are unique in their own special way. I am going to put into a few words what stuck in my head about each.

Spring Lake — St. Catharine Church, a ginormous Classical Revival Roman Catholic church straight out of the Vatican.

Belmar — The sparkling view from the Shark River Bridge.

Avon-by-the-Sea — It’s curious motto on the signboard in front of City Hall reads: “Better Than The Beach“.

Bradley Beach — The Buttered Biscuit for breakfast.

Long Branch Beach — A shiny, modern faux city with touristy shops, apartments, and restaurants galore.

Deal — The mega-mansions of the filthy rich.

Monmouth Beach — Each oceanfront house has their own private access steps to the beach over the gargantuan cement and stone breakfront.

Sea Bright — A real blue collar town with a hardware store and shops catering to the locals,

Sandy Hook — Spectacular view of New York City from the beach.

Pt. Pleasant was the one place we didn’t care for, though we had an outstanding dinner at an oyster bar near the beach called Shore Fresh. The boardwalk was literally mobbed with at least a thousand Hasidic Jews in their dark suit uniforms, goofy hats, and dangling forelocks. It was like we suddenly entered a foreign land of rude oddball families pushing baby carriages. Most looked right through us while others gave us the evil eye. They were on some multi-day religious holiday and apparently COVID-19 was of little concern because many were not wearing face masks or maintaining a safe distance. The whole scene was creepy and ultra weird.

It had been over forty years since I last visited the North Jersey Shore. And I’m not really sure what I expected to see this time around. But whatever I thought awaited us, I was pleasantly surprised.

People in Maryland kind of stereotype everyone from Jersey as being Soprano knockoffs — tough, loud, slightly arrogant — and like all stereotypes, it misses the mark. Jersey boys & girls are sharp, industrious, and successful. And the one constant over time is the fact that they are confident and don’t really care what the rest of the country thinks about them. And now I know why.