LASTING IMPRESSIONS

After returning home to Maryland, my head was a jumble of mixed-up memories from our fun time in Iceland. So, here’s my debrief.

Packing for Iceland, given the ever-changing weather conditions that usually suck, is a real trip.

Here’s what you (man or woman) REALLY need to bring for a summer trip:

• Hard shell luggage for walking in the rain from a hotel or bus.

•Long (below knees) & sturdy plastic or rubber poncho. Fancy rain gear, like Helly Hansen or North Face, regardless of the price, does not work in Iceland’s relentless wind & rain!

• Warm wind & water resistant jacket or pullover for fall weather

• Wool or Fleece Sweater

• Two or three long sleeve Under Armour shirts

• One nice long sleeve shirt for dining out

• Swimsuit

• Waterproof windpants (NRS Paddling Pants and Pullover tops are the best)

• Two pairs of jeans

• Wool or fleece gloves

• Wool hat that firmly covers the ears

• Waterproof shoes (Keens)

• Street shoes made for walking

• Socks for every day

• Underwear

• Daypack for hiking

Iceland, even cosmopolitan Reykjavik, is a very casual country and people don’t dress up. So, leave the fancy clothes at home.

Don’t bring anything with short sleeves. It will never get warm enough. And cotton can kill you if it gets wet in such a cold and windy land. If by chance you catch a warm spell, you can always buy an Iceland tee shirt.

I wore shorts the whole time, and I didn’t mind the chill at all. But I ain’t normal. Plus, it meant I didn’t have to worry about rain pants.

You should come expecting nasty weather every day; that way, it won’t seem so ugly, especially when you get one of those cold and windy days without heavy rain. You’ll feel lucky! And a nice day will make you dance for joy. We found that a steady dose of gallows humor helped make every bad situation better. And when all is said and done, there is no place on earth as spectacular and amazingly beautiful as Iceland, so whining is stupid and pointless. Be bold and proud!

Architecture is not Iceland’s strong suit. It looks sort of like a North Pole Japan. Pretty plain. But every structure is clean and sturdy, so it’s ultimately a very pleasant place to visit.

There are two grocery chains in Iceland. The most popular is BONUS, whose logo is a smiling pink pig. The other is KRONAN with a smiling lemon. We shopped in both and thought that KRONAN was far superior—bigger, cleaner, better choices, and cheaper.

We loved the seafood soup and homemade bread that are served almost everywhere. They really do bread well. But after a while, we got tired of lamb and cod. KFC is the only fast-food franchise in the country.

Many hotels feature a free breakfast. They are all pretty much the same and quite good: fresh fruit, sliced meats, cheeses, an assortment of breads and pastries, raw salmon slices, cereals, yogurt, scrambled eggs, and American-style bacon. Unlike most European countries, they like their bacon crispy just like we do.

All in all, Icelanders eat well, and the food, while expensive, is absolutely delicious.

EVERYWHERE!

Most hotels do not have elevators or mini-fridges. The hotels tend to be rather modest and often slightly disjointed. Many have been converted from banks which became superfluous in the last few years when the country went cashless, especially in the heartland,

The musical soundtrack in every restaurant where we ate featured 70s and 80s Rock, like Creedence and Aerosmith, and lots and lots of soul, like Marvin Gaye and Stevie Wonder. They also really liked Big Band Sinatra and Dean Martin. Icelanders drink deeply of American retro culture.

The only farm crop is grass. We never saw anything else growing in a field—no corn or soybeans like back in Maryland. Hay is a major production all across Iceland, especially as summer is drawing to a close. The farmers are busily cutting the grass and shrink-wrapping it in a race against time. The circular plastic bales dot the fields like different-colored candies, or they are stacked in ginormous piles by the barns. All this effort goes into feeding their livestock come winter. And winter lasts a very long time in Iceland.

Most of the livestock consists of sheep, and they are either enclosed in fields or allowed to roam the countryside at will. There are surprisingly few given the available grazing land. I mean, there are way more sheep in Scotland or Ireland. But no matter where they may roam, sheep are dumber and lazier than rocks and ignore the passing vehicles just begging to be hit.

There are a fair number of horses in Iceland, though it tends to be somewhat regional. For instance, there are quite a few ranches in the west and the south, but not so many in the north or the east.

What are all the pretty horsies for? Well, hold onto your saddle, little pardners, but while many of the horses you see frolicking about are for riding, a significant number are slaughtered for meat. And foal meat is the most popular cut because it’s tender, like veal.

According to Your Friend in Reykjavik: “Horses comprise about 4% of meat production in the country. Relatively speaking, Icelanders only consume 2% of horse meat compared to other types of meat. About half of the production is exported, with the best bits sent to Switzerland and Japan. The rest is sold domestically. So, Icelanders eat only about 1.5-2 kg of horse meat yearly. Nearly every Icelander has tasted horse meat.”

And horses played a big role in Iceland’s conversion to Christianity. The Church outlawed the eating of horses because the pagan Vikings loved a good horse steak after some serious mayhem. And the ban was only recently removed.

These days, most folks are slightly ashamed to admit they eat horses, and you don’t see it on the menus. You have to ask for it in a hushed whisper.

And bringing up the rear are the cows. There are about 70,000. Almost all are exclusively for the thriving dairy industry which is a big part of Iceland’s economy.

Even though it rained incessantly and the rivers and streams were raging torrents of water, there was no sediment running in the rivers. They ran crystal clear or like glacial milk every day. In Maryland, the rivers turn brown after less than an inch of rain, and in Iceland, they aren’t muddy after a foot of steady rain. Hmmmm…

Okay, the strangest thing we saw in Iceland took place in the rural areas. We called it the “seagull suicides”. Seagulls seem to hurt their feet fairly regularly—let’s say one in a thousand, or so—and it leaves them crippled. If they try to walk, they fall on their faces. It’s sad to watch. We never figured out how they hurt themselves—maybe they got clipped by a car or smashed on the rocks in a big wave. But they will sit calmly by the side of the road or trail like they are guarding their nest, when in point of fact they can’t move without doing the painful face plant dance. Apparently, they eventually can’t stand it anymore, so they go sit serenely in the middle of a busy road and wait to be run over by a car. Then again, maybe they’re just fed up with the lousy weather.

Inna and I sat down after the trip and asked ourselves how Iceland could up its game. Here are a few helpful suggestions.

1. Dome the cities. Nobody in their right mind would come to Iceland in the winter. I mean, even the summer ain’t so hot. But if they built giant, controlled-climate, glass domes over the cities and main attractions, like they’re doing in the Dubai desert, the visitation to Iceland would go right through the roof.

2. Introduce big game, like bears and wolves, into the rural environments. Iceland’s north is devoid of life other than the occasional sheep or horse. I have never traveled through such a wild country and not seen even a goddamn rabbit or deer. It’s time to add some serious predators and prey to the game.

3. Plant some trees. Lots & lots of evergreens and birch. Okay, I get it. The winds are brutal, but some folks have had great success growing trees. So, it can be done. Just lash them down with metal stakes and please, for the love of god, add some greenery to the sometimes brutally dull scenery.

4. Train some whales to come to specially-created harbor feeding zones where they can be easily seen. Whale-watching expeditions are way too long and too cold. And that’s on one of the ten days a year that are moderately nice in Iceland. When it’s wet, cold, and windy—meaning all the time—going out into the Arctic Ocean in a small boat is batshit crazy. So create natural, in the ocean, Sea Worlds. Put one in every seaside village. It would be a great boost to the rural economies, not just the chosen few like Húsavík in the whaling grounds. And put them in all the Eastern fjords too. Construct a sturdy mesh net to keep the buggers inside and then train a wide assortment of whales, not just the humpbacks, to come at specific times when called. Hell, put some great white sharks in there too and watch the killer whales go to town. This way, you wouldn’t have to freeze your ass off on a bouncing boat and you could sit in a nice warm restaurant and all the whales would come to you.

Smile!